Deployments
Reconnecting After a Deployment
While you are happy to see your husband return home safe and sound, you may find that adjusting to his presence is more difficult than you expected. Keep your home life happy and harmonious with the following readjustment techniques:
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Don't romanticize the reunion.
Many times military families have certain expectations about their servicemember's homecoming and are disappointed when the reunion goes awry. Flight delays, emergencies, work schedules and other obstacles may get in the way of your homecoming preparations. Acknowledge this fact and prepare for it accordingly.
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Don't bombard your spouse with attention.
Returning home from a deployment is often an exhausting task in itself, taking weeks of preparation and work. Your servicemember may be worn out and need a few days of peace and quiet before you celebrate his return. Furthermore, keep conversations positive for the first couple of weeks. Explain this to your children beforehand so they don't pester dad with complaints.
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Be careful to ease back into your roles.
You and your husband may not be the same people you were before the deployment and those changes will alter the relationship dynamic. Acknowledge these differences and compromise on the duties and responsibilities of each partner. Refrain from immediately giving your servicemember their old chores or rearranging the family schedule. Talk to them about how the family has changed in his absence and create new roles and responsibilities.
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Be prepared to feel awkward.
It may feel awkward to have your husband with you once more. You will need to rebuild the physical and emotional intimacy you once had. Pull out your old charm and be on your best behavior the way you were when you first starting dating your husband.
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Communicate.
Communication is key. Spouses should respectfully discuss how they feel and work through re-acquaintance jitters together. Don’t be afraid to say that you may need some private time away from your servicemember and vice-versa.
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Don't force war talk.
Remember that your husband may have been put into life-threatening situations during his deployment. According to the National Center for PTSD, 93% of Iraqi war veterans reported being shot at and 86% reported knowing someone that was seriously injured or killed in combat. Memories like these can be hard to cope with. Don't force your husband to share his experiences. If your husband wants to talk, be patient, positive and really listen to him. Don't take it personally if your husband feels more comfortable talking about his war experiences with his service buddies or male friends than you.
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Be on the lookout for a mental health concern.
According to the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research, 19% of all Marines or soldiers returning from deployment in Iraq meet the criteria for a mental health concern. Be sensitive to signs of prolonged mental or emotional distress in a returning servicemember. If your husband went into combat as a happy-go-lucky type of guy and a sullen, moody servicemember returns, you should be concerned. It is normal for returning servicemembers to experience a combat stress reaction that may go on for an upwards of a few weeks.
The reactions are characterized by:
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fear
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anxiety
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irritability
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anger
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sleep disturbances
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substance abuse
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over-protectiveness of their children
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social withdrawal
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extreme fatigue
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concentration problems
If these symptoms worsen or persist for more than six to eight weeks, the problem should be addressed by a mental health professional.
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Save your marriage.
Seek help if you begin to run into serious marital problems like excessive anger, increased bickering and physical or mental abuse. Contact your base's family center to get information on counseling services that may be available to you.
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Remember, life doesn't revolve around deployments.
Just because your better half is in Iraq, doesn't mean that your life revolves around their career. You are your own woman, with your own goals, dreams and ambitions. If you picked up a hobby or job you enjoy during your husband's deployment, continue doing what you love!
