Family & Deployment
Post-Deployment
There are four phases of deployment: pre-deployment, deployment, return, and post-deployment. This section provides advice on what you can do to make the return of your loved one from service easy on them as well as you.
Return
About one to six weeks before a servicemember is scheduled to return, loved ones at home may feel combinations of excitement, relief, anxiety and elation. They often become preoccupied with improving their personal appearances or the appearances of their homes.
Post-Deployment
About one to six weeks after a servicemember returns home, family members may feel happy or even resentful. The servicemember may feel alienated from the rest of the household. Re-establishing roles may be confusing and frustrating. Be careful to ease back into your roles —rushing things will only cause conflict. Patience is key because readjustment takes time.
Here are a few tips that may reduce stress:
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It is okay to be nervous and your returning loved one will be nervous, too. Everyone should just take it easy for the first few days after the servicemember returns. Returning home from a deployment is often an exhausting task in itself, and the returning servicemember may be tired and just need a few days of calm and peace.
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Be prepared for negative feelings. Some spouses may resent their servicemember spouse for leaving. Teenagers may be reluctant to acknowledge their military parent as an authority figure, and younger children may be afraid of or not recognize the returned parent.
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Communication is paramount. Spouses should respectfully discuss how they feel and work through re-acquaintance jitters together. Don’t be afraid to say that you may need some private time separate from your servicemember spouse. Likewise, your spouse may need alone time.
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Depending upon their ages, children may have many different reactions to a returning parent. Infants and toddlers will tend to not recognize their returning parent and become fussy. Be patient with them and re-establish contact by playing with them and participating in routine activities, like bath time. Elementary-school-age and middle-school-age children will be excited to see their parent and may worry about not living up to what they think are their parent’s standards. Give these children a lot of attention and look over any pictures or schoolwork they share. Teenagers may be unwilling to change their plans with friends in order to spend time with their returning parent. Respect their privacy. Connect with them by asking them to share what has happened in their lives during the deployment.
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The returning servicemember and family members need to acknowledge that family life may have permanently changed during the deployment. Family members may have acquired new interests and/or skills, and relationship dynamics may be altered. Be prepared for these changes, be as understanding as possible, and recognize that even if there had been no deployment, people and relationship dynamics change.
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Be sensitive to signs of mental or emotional distress in a returning servicemember, and understand that this is not an uncommon reaction to combat or other stressful deployment experiences. Loved ones may experience fear, irritability, anger, sleep disturbances, fatigue, and concentration problems and may startle easily. If you think your loved one is experiencing mental or emotional distress to the point that it is interfering with your lives or creating noticeable personality changes, don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling.
