Past Military Comedy Contests
January 2007 Funniest Military Joke
And the Winner Is ...
Submitted by ZV7.
Read the winning joke and the other entries below, as well as the poll that members voted in.
Joke 1: In Iraq Too Long
You know you've been in Iraq too long when ...
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You drink the water from the tap because you want to drop 20 pounds in two weeks.
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You start picturing your wife in a traditional Arab dress.
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You've spent $200 dollars at Hajji Mart on DVDs buying Basic Instinct, 9 1/2 Weeks, and Body of Evidence just for the sex scenes.
Read the rest of "In Iraq Too Long."
Submitted by KmNm84.
Joke 2: Communication Problem
One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
Submitted by gengreb.
THE WINNER—Joke 3: Oaths of Enlistment
All persons, upon entering the military service and upon reenlistment are required to take the Oath of Enlistment. At one time the Oath of Enlistment was the same for all services. Due to changes in both society and the differing military branches, the Oath has undergone marked changes and has been specifically tailored to each branch of the military and their specific function. Here are the latest versions of the Oath of Enlistment as recently released by the Joint Chief's of Staff:
Read the "Oaths of Enlistment."
Submitted by ZV7.
Joke 4: Light Bulb
Question
How many 88 Mikes does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer
None. That's 2nd echelon maintenance. Call a mechanic.
Submitted by intherearwiththegear.
Joke 5: Body Doubles
Last summer an Iraqi general summoned Saddam's 48 body doubles to a safe house in Iraq.
"I have good news and I have bad news" he told the doubles. "The good news is, Saddam is alive!"
Everybody in the room gave a big cheer, "Saddam!" "Saddam!" "Saddam!" "Saddam!"
The Iraqi general then turned to the doubles and said, "The bad news is, he's lost an arm."
Submitted by lapsleyt.
Joke 6: True Story
This is a true story and it seems to bring lots of laughs at the VA Medical Clinic in Austin, TX.
My husband was talking to another AF Vet who mentioned how better AF had had things. My husband said, "Oh, I don't know any of that. Actually, I married my old Army Buddy." After the man left, my husband turned to me and said, "Honey, you think I should have told him you were an Army medic?"
Submitted by Morning165.
Joke 7: Italian Army
A guy wants to join the Italian army but finds out that only every other guy is getting a rifle when he goes to sign up. He goes home and thinks about it and goes and joins up the next day.
The DI comes in the next day and tells everyone they are going to the rifle range to qualify. This guy stands up and says, "Hey Sgt, no gotta no gun, no can shoot." Sgt. says, "No problem. You go a-bangity bang and you will be ok."
Well, the guy goes out gets up on line and goes a-bangity bang a few times and gets a medal for marksmanship.
Next day the DI says today is bayonet practice. Same guy says, "Hey, I not gotta no gun, no can put bayonet." DI says, "You go a-stickity stick and you will be okay."
Well, you know the story. Our hero goes out goes a-stickity stick and gets a medal for his efforts.
Next day the DI says today is war games. He looks at our hero and tells him because he is so good he has to hold the high ground. Tells him anything that comes up the hill he has to stop. Ahh, a good day. Up the hill comes his first subject. He jumps up and goes a-bangity bang, and the guy falls down and the hill is safe. Another unsuspecting trooper comes his way, and our hero jumps up and goes a-bangity bang, but the guy keeps coming. So our hero runs down the hill and goes a-stickity stick, and the guy goes down. The hill is still safe. Well, here comes contestant number three. Our hero jumps up and goes a-bangity bang, and the guy keeps coming. Our hero runs down and goes a-stickity stick, and the guy walks right on over him, tramples him into the dirt and walks right up the hill.
Well, this really gets to our hero. He jumps up yelling,"Hey whats a matta you. I go a-bangity bang, you no fall down. I go a-stickity stick, you no fall down."
The other trooper turns around looks at our hero and says: "A-TANKITY TANK."
Submitted by sojourner.
Funniest Joke Poll
Joke 1: In Iraq Too Long |
 | 14% |  |
Joke 2: Communication Problem |
| 7% | |
Joke 3: Oaths of Enlistment |
| 41% | |
Joke 4: Light Bulb |
| 2% | |
Joke 5: Body Doubles |
| 5% | |
Joke 6: True Story |
| 4% | |
Joke 7: Italian Army |
| 23% | |
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