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I have been living under the stress of profound debt for several years now. While still married to my ex-husband I had a knack for robbing Peter to pay Paul and along the way we had great credit but we were very over extended. We were living on credit and when my marriage came to an abrupt end, not only was I left to pick up the emotional wreckage of the damage that was created by betrayal and the physical abuse but I was now a single mother who was left with all of the bills.

We had eventually separated our bills in the court system and though I by no means had the ability to pay for all that I was ordered to pay, I was trying to make it happen. There were letters and notices that I had not opened for over a year and a half as I couldn’t face it all. My ex-husband is refusing to pay the bills that he was ordered to pay that have my name attatched to them.

I have been surviving but not living. Prior to my separation and divorce I was a stay at home mom. My ex-husband didn’t want me to work. Now looking back I see that as a red flag. It was part of his control of me. The plan was for me to go back to work once my youngest child was in school. He would get angry when I brought up my going back to work yet he would complain about the money or the lack of. Never once did I discuss money with him. I was afraid to. He would rage and I felt like a child fearful of her parent. That is a clear sign of a very unhealthy relationship. Hindsight is 20/20 isn’t it?

Things are different now. I have learned some very hard lessons and I hope my experience will somehow prevent some of you from going through the same mess I am dealing with.

I am now filing for bankruptcy. I have no choice. It is my only chance to start my life over and be free. To feel the hope that my future will bring. I have opened all of those letters and notices and as I tore each one open I felt a bit lighter knowing that I was taking action to somehow fix the mess I have found myself in.

I will never have another credit card. If I don’t have the cash then I don’t need it. PERIOD! Credit cards will drag you in and as you acquire more credit cards you become addicted to them. Break the addiction now. Put them away, cut them up. Have one for an emergency only. What you buy with that card won’t out last your debt.

If you find yourself chasing your bills and shuffling them around like I was then you know you are in trouble. Get a grasp on what is going on. Correct the problem before it gets out of hand.

To the women out there I want to say this. Always be prepared to provide for yourself. Never count on anyone but yourself when it comes to survival. Love is a wonderful thing but it can go terribly wrong when one least expects it. Never be caught without a way to make a living. Go to school. Have a job. Do both. I am now in school and feel empowered by it. I work and though it is not always easy work, I find satisfaction in the fact that I am doing for myself and my children.

My ex-husband is also what they call a dead beat dad. He is hiding from his responsibilities to his beautiful son. He refuses to pay child support. Now he is on the run and working under the table. He has brought another child into the world as well. We all choose our paths in life and he has choosen his. I live freely and he lives in the shadows must continue to hide. That is not a life. I would be lying if I didn’t think it was Karma on his tail and I think it was about time.

Once my finances are taken care of and I can finally breath I will start living again. I am smiling more now from the heart.

To those of you who are just starting out in life and are so in love, heed my words. I don’t mean to throw a damper on the love fest but my intention is to toss in some reality into the mix. Trust is something that we must all gamble with. I am willing to trust again, but I will only trust me completely when it come down to it.

Bankruptcy isn’t the best option for some but in my situation it is my only way to a brighter future. I see my attorney Monday to start the paperwork and I know it will take awhile to wade through all of it.

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