AllMilitary.com

It was a most interesting experience yesterday..I went into the medical diagnostic place this afternoon for an ‘echo-cardiogram’ and was greeted by this pretty and nice lady who led me back to this little room with a table in it. She said, “pull off your shirt and lay down on the table..I’ll be right back.” And I think “I’ve heard this song before….”

So I did. Sure enough she was right back with a tube of KY JELLY! By the time I could tell her I wuz a happily married man she had that shit smeared all over my chest and I was doomed! How in the hell wuz I gonna explain KY Jelly all over my chest to my sweetthing..and there twern’t even a sink with water in the room to get that stuff off of me.

Well, she proceeded to attach a bunch of wires to me, turned on a computer, and then started rubbing this little monitor thing all over and making small talk about where I lived and what I had done in my life and so on so I told her some lies and a war story or two hoping that if I buttered her up she would at least wash off that gotdam KY Jelly stuff.

But she didn’t. She says, ” All done.”…and handed me a fuckin’ paper towel…well, I ain’t about to put my shirt back on with all that KY Jelly to smear into it so down the hall I go to the nearest mens room holding the shirt in front of me to hide my gut..and the bad part wuz I had on a pair of those dam Wally World Special shorts..the kind where there ain’t no belt loops.. and the elastic popped about the time I walked out of that little room. So there I was walking down this long hall towards the mens room, holding up my pants with one hand, enough KY Jelly to supply a Siagon whore house for a week smeared on my chest, and my gut hanging out and me trying to cover it with my shirt and yet not get any of the goo on the shirt…

And the nice lady twern’t so gotdam nice..I heard her giggling..

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